Why?
by ruvy91
Summary: Merthur AU. It's the day before Arthur and Gwen's wedding and Merlin noticed something about the king: he doesn't love Gwen. Will Merlin have the courage to tell his beloved King how he truly feels?


Merlin was walking through the halls of the citadel seeing all the decorations for Arthur and Gwen's wedding the next day and it hurt. He was happy that it was someone who truly cared for Arthur like Gwen does but it still tore at his heart that his King still couldn't see the love he held for him.

He turned the corner and saw Gwen talking to some of the servants setting things up with Arthur at her side. Merlin backed up to where they couldn't see him but he could still observe. The servants bowed to the couple and walked away, Gwen turned to Arthur saying something Merlin couldn't hear a giant smile on her face.

Merlin's eyes were fixed on Arthur and he swears he was seeing things but when Gwen leaned up and kissed him on the cheek Arthur's eyes were flat as if he only felt a friendly fondness for the woman. Merlin scowled and shook his head. _It's only my own wishful thinking trying to get my hopes up._

Merlin looked back around the corner and panicked when he saw Arthur walking his way. He quickly turned around and was briskly walking down the hall hoping he could get away fast enough that Arthur wouldn't see him.

He didn't have such luck.

"Merlin!" Arthur called down the hallway. Merlin halted and his shoulder sunk when he heard his name. He couldn't keep walking and pretend he didn't hear him. As he heard Arthur's footsteps get closer, Merlin straightened his posture and fixed his expression to one of joy versus the crushing despair he felt within.

"Yes Arthur?" Merlin asked turning around as the blonde stopped a few paces behind him.

"Have you polished my armor for tomorrow?" Arthur asked.

"Of course, wouldn't want you to have rust spots on your wedding day." Merlin says jokingly. It hurts that he's gotten so good at hiding his true feelings from Arthur, but it's a necessary mask.

"No of course not" Arthur replies, and Merlin could swear he saw sadness flash through the King's eyes.

"As you were then" Arthur commanded before walking past Merlin. Merlin walks aimlessly through the castle trying to process the look Arthur had when talking about the wedding. He ends up in the space he shares with Gaius and sits down at the table still trying to interpret that sad look.

_Does he not want to marry Gwen? Why would he not want to marry Gwen, he loves her. Unless he's in love with someone else. But who would he be in love with?_

His mind started to muse over who Arthur could be in love with and the small hopeful part spoke up _You._

_Don't be ridiculous Merlin. Why would Arthur love you, you're just a servant._

_So was Gwen. _The small part of his mind supplied.

_Stop that! Even if he did love me he wouldn't after he found out about my magic. He hates magic because he believes it killed Uther. _

Merlin was pulled out of his musing when Gaius walked in.

"Merlin what are you doing sitting there? I would think that you'd have a lot to do with Arthur and Gwen's wedding tomorrow."

"Right, you're right. I should get going." Merlin replied and got up walking towards the door. Gaius grabbed Merlin's arm and spun the young wizard to face him.

"Merlin why are you crying?" Gaius asked concern for his charge trickling through his tone.

"Crying?" Merlin asked and placed a hand to his cheek and felt the wetness that the tears left behind.

"I suppose I have been crying." He said with a sad smile.

"Come here, sit down and tell me what's wrong." Gaius said guiding Merlin to the table bench. They sat down and Gaius stared at Merlin patiently waiting for the boy who was the son he never had, to start talking.

Merlin wiped his eyes, "It's stupid really. No point in fussing about it considering nothing can be done about it."

"I can't exactly agree with you when I don't know what it is." Gaius replied. Merlin took an unsteady breath before explaining it to Gaius.

"It may be my imagination but I don't think Arthur truly loves Gwen anymore."

"What makes you say that?"

"Just something in his eyes when he's around Gwen or I talk to him about the wedding; He seems sad, like she isn't the person he wants to be with." Merlin sighed, "I don't know maybe it's just my mind playing tricks with me and making me see what I want to see."

"You love him don't you?" Gaius stated.

"What, I, Where'd yo-" Merlin spluttered. Gaius leveled Merlin with a look that told him he wasn't buying it. Merlin sighed. "Yes I do."

"Why haven't you told him then?"

"You know why Gaius." Merlin replied sadly, tears welling in his eyes. Gaius scowled at the young wizard.

"He wouldn't care about your magic if he loves you." Merlin smiled sadly at Gaius.

"If you honestly believe he doesn't love Gwen you should talk to him about it."

Merlin nodded and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He got up and walked out of the room, starting off in the direction to Arthur's quarters.

Merlin's doubts started to creep back in on him as he grew closer to Arthur's chambers. There were a couple of times he almost turned back, but Gaius' words kept him from giving up. He paused before Arthur's doors, wondering if he should, if he should turn back. Taking a deep breath, Merlin pushed open the doors and entered the room silently.

Arthur was sitting at the table staring off into space, a sad look in his eyes. Merlin longed to comfort his king by holding him close and whisper that it was going to be alright, but Merlin swallowed this urge and cleared his throat.

"Oh Merlin I didn't see you there." Arthur said startled from his thoughts. When Merlin just stood there looking at his boots Arthur spoke up.

"Is there a problem?"

"I was just wondering if you really are happy with Gwen. If-if this wedding is really what you want?"

"Why wouldn't I want to marry Gwen?" Arthur asked defensively.

"I-I don't know, it's just when you're with her or the wedding is mentioned you get this look as if it's not what you want." Merlin replied hesitantly. Merlin expected Arthur to yell at him, to tell him he was wrong but was surprised when the king rubbed his temples and replied softly.

"What does it matter what I want?"

"You're happiness matters Arthur." Arthur looked up at Merlin, his expression suspicious.

"Why does my happiness matter to you?" Arthur asked. Merlin opened his mouth to lie like he always did, but that little voice in his head grew stronger and he decided to finally tell the truth.

"Because I love you."

Arthur gaped at Merlin for a moment then got up and looked at the dark haired man incredulously.

"Love me? You love me?" Arthur asked, not quite believing he had heard Merlin right.

"Yes I do!" Merlin replied a bit desperately.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Arthur asked loudly.

"Because you are the king and I am just your servant." Merlin replied trying to hold back the tears.

"Like that matters to me." Arthur strode over to Merlin and cupped the dark haired man's face in his hands. "I would be with you in a heartbeat because I love you and rank doesn't matter to me. I never said anything before because I always thought you viewed me as an idiot."

Merlin chuckled lightly tears streaming down his face; he rested his hands on Arthur's biceps. "You are an idiot, but we can't be together."

"Why?" Arthur choked out and rested his forehead against Merlin's. Tears were running down Arthur's face as well; He had just handed his heart to the man he loves and was rejected, he wanted to know why.

"Why Merlin? Why can't we be together?" Arthur asked, his tear filled eyes pleading.

"I'm sorry" Merlin finally said before whispering out a spell, his eyes glowing gold as an object went flying across the room behind him.

Arthur's eyes went wide as his mind grasped what had just happened. He let go of Merlin and stumbled back until his lower back hit the edge of the table. Merlin clenched his eyes shut as Arthur spluttered in shock. He tensed waiting to hear his king call for guards but it never came.

Instead Arthur soon became silent and Merlin opened his eyes.

"How long?" Arthur asked quietly.

"Before I came to Camelot" Merlin replied evenly.

"I see." Arthur said then walked back to Merlin. Merlin closed his eyes again expecting Arthur to strike him.

"You've never used your powers to harm anyone?"

"I've only used them to protect you and Camelot" Merlin replied, his eyes still closed, tears rolling down his face.

His eyes flew open when he felt Arthur's hand slide up his neck and cradle the back of his head.

"Good" Arthur whispered before pulling Merlin's head closer and kissing him gently.

This confused Merlin and he pulled away from Arthur.

"Why aren't you calling for the guards and throwing me in a cell?"

"Because I'm not my father and in the years we've known each other you've shown me magic itself isn't bad but how it is used." Arthur replied his blue eyes shining. "Besides I love you beyond reason."

Merlin smiled softly at this and tears of joy ran down his face. Arthur's other hand came up to cup Merlin's cheek, wiping the tears away with his thumb before kissing the wizard.

This time Merlin returned the kiss, pouring the love he felt for the blonde into it. When they broke apart for air Merlin leaned his forehead against Arthur's.

"Where do we go from here?"

"First off I am going to put an end to this ridiculous wedding. It's going to break Gwen's heart but I don't want to lead her on when I love someone else." Merlin nodded slightly and placed a quick peck to the corner of Arthur's mouth, causing the blonde to smile.

"Then there's the ban on magic; it's a stupid law made out of ignorance and hate; that has no place in Camelot as I want to rule it." This made Merlin grin.

"Of course there are some restrictions that will have to be put in place to protect the ordinary citizens, but I will consult someone I trust on that matter."

"Lastly if you're amenable to it, I would spend the rest of my life with you. Even if it means I have to give up my title and live on a farm in the middle of nowhere, I would be with you."

"Seeing as I don't have to hide who I am for long, I guess I could be persuaded to this idea."

"And how might one persuade you?"

"You'll just have to try your best, won't you?" Merlin replied with a coy smile, his hands resting lightly on Arthur's hips. Arthur returned the smile and pulled Merlin's body close to his. There was a moment of hesitation before Arthur's lips captured Merlin's in a hungry kiss. The dark haired wizard returned the kiss with equal enthusiasm.

When Arthur started pulling at Merlin's clothes, trying to remove them, Merlin placed his hands on Arthur's arms and lightly pushed them away.

"Arthur" Merlin said pulling away from the blonde. Arthur's eyes were hungry and he took to kissing down Merlin's jaw and neck.

"Arthur we can't do this now."

"Why not?" Arthur mumbled against Merlin's skin before lightly nipping where his jaw met his neck.

"Because you're still technically engaged to Gwen." This made Arthur stop and look Merlin in the eyes.

"You're right, I should talk to Gwen first."

"I should go then."

Arthur nodded and Merlin turned walking towards the door.

"Promise me you'll come back?" Arthur asked, his voice a bit vulnerable.

"I promise Arthur" Merlin replied with a smile before walking out the door.

**xXx**

Gwen walked into the throne room where Arthur had said to meet him. She had a smile on her face as she slipped in the doors. Meeting the night before their wedding was incredibly romantic.

As she approached the throne her smile turned into a frown when she saw Arthur sitting there pensively.

"Arthur?" She asked concerned.

"Oh Guinevere, yes I need to talk to you about something." Arthur replied absently.

"Is something the matter, can't it wait until after the wedding?"

"That's what I need to talk to you about. I can't marry you tomorrow."

"What? Arthur why are you calling off the wedding? Is it because I'm a servant?" Gwen asked desperately.

"It's not that. You know rank doesn't mean anything to me." Arthur defended.

"Then why not? I thought we were in love." Gwen was on the verge of tears.

"I do love you Gwen, but I'm in love with someone else."

"Who? Who has stolen your heart from me?" Gwen cried out turning on Arthur. He pursed his lips, not sure how Gwen would take it but he owed her this much.

"Merlin"

Gwen was silent, she sniffed and nodded slightly. She took a deep breath and smiled sadly.

"I had a feeling it was more than just friendship you felt for him. I understand Arthur; I wish you two the best."

Gwen turned and left the room, leaving Arthur sitting on the throne dumbfounded. That had gone better than he expected.

Gwen had barely gone down the hall leading away from the throne room when she ran into Merlin.

"Oh…hello Gwen." Merlin said nervously, averting his eyes from Gwen's gaze.

"It's alright Merlin; I don't blame either of you. I just feel like a fool for not seeing how you two felt for each other and saying something." Gwen said with a friendly smile. Merlin looked at her hopefully, not wanting to loose Gwen as a friend.

"Really?"

"Yes. Now go on, he's probably still in there and will be happy to see you." With that Gwen continued her journey back to her rooms. Merlin continued on to the throne room, slipping in just before Arthur reached the door.

They stayed a few feet apart not quite knowing what to do, neither quite used to acknowledging aloud their feelings for one another. The air between them was charged with the energy of the unsaid words.

"I just ran into Gwen." Merlin said as he slowly stepped to the side; Arthur mirrored the movement and they started slowly circling each other, the gap between them closing with each step. "I take it you told her?"

"Yes." Arthur replied.

"She seemed to take it well." Merlin stated as he stopped inches away from Arthur. He clasped his hands behind his back in an effort to keep some self-restraint.

"So it would seem." Arthur responded. He didn't want to lose a battle of wills with Merlin, but the dark haired wizard was teasingly close. Less than a minute later his patience ran out and Arthur grabbed Merlin, crashing their lips together.

Merlin smirked when he returned the hungry kiss, getting lost in the feel of the blonde against him.

Arthur was tugging at Merlin's clothes, when he broke the kiss saying, "Arthur not here."

Arthur huffed his annoyance which made Merlin smile. The blonde king then grabbed the young wizard's hand and pulled him along as he practically ran back to his chambers.

**xXx**

There was a bit of confusion when word that the royal wedding was called off filtered through the castle. However no one questioned it because the king was visibly happier than he'd been in a long while.

Everyone was surprised when Arthur got rid of the law banning magic in Camelot, but the celebrations and praise magic users held in honor of the event heavily outweighed the angry protests amongst some of the older nobility.

What shocked everyone was when Arthur appointed Merlin as Court Wizard, everyone that is but Gaius. The shock mostly centered on people wondering how Merlin could keep a something of that magnitude a secret for so long.

A golden age settled over Camelot; there was peace amongst the citizens all because a young sorcerer loved a king.


End file.
